I’m back, not sure why?

I’m not sure why I’m here, but I am. I’m back on the blog and glad to be back . . . I think. 

It’s been almost a whole year since I’ve written anything – a year since I’ve been on WP at all. I got out of the hospital exactly a year ago. Seems like a dream from another world.

It wasn’t easy to get here. Looking For Chris has a unique password and a unique email with a different password. I couldn’t remember either so I had to go through a few layers of password to retrieval. All this to say I WANTED to get back in. It was a yearning of sorts that came on quickly, a thirst to be satisfied.

Why am I back? Why the yearning? I’m not sure to be honest.

I wanted to write I guess. I hope that’s a good thing, but I’m wary. I’ve been feeling good. My wife Marie and I are doing well. Our family is well. For the last several months signs of depression have been at bay. 

But the last few weeks I’ve been feeling it again. The lack of desire . . . for life, not wanting to do anything and not caring what happens. Maybe that’s why I’m back – crawling into myself again, feeling lonely for no reason, feeling insecure when things are going well.

I think I left to heal. I was feeling somewhat narcissistic and secretive in my approach. I hope this will be different. I hope now to write more for myself and less for others. I hope to find a “So What?” in what I write – helpful to me, maybe for you too. 

I’ll say it again, I’m wary, but here I am . . . nice to be with you all again. 🙂

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