I’ll check into the Lone Star State’s premier Nut House next Tuesday! It figures that Texas is THE place to go for depression these days. I figure half the state will be checking in with Romo out of commission for a while.
I’ll have to leave all my Broncos gear at home so I don’t get jumped!
The stress is a bit high in the house with the day approaching. Marie had a little melt down a couple of days ago. She was supposed to go to an appointment with me to my therapist – the new one I like who is cracking down on me (in a good way).
Marie all of a sudden was saying she didn’t want me to go in for treatment and why can’t I do a local intensive inpatient treatment.
I got this text the morning before our appointment on Tuesday:
I am suddenly feeling angry at you going away. You have gone away a lot. I take care of things. But now you’re here and we are making a choice for you to go away again. It’s right at a time when Jamie is thriving and LB is in football and The Graduate is planning time at home. You are an important part of their lives and these times. Relationship problems always end up dealt with with someone leaving. Why can’t we figure this out and still live together. It’s about you getting well but also about us learning to live and thrive as a family. Maybe that’s not really what you want. Maybe you don’t want me/us for your happiness. We stress you out. We’re too loud. Too demanding…..too busy…
It’s as if you want a life but not ours. Home isn’t a family. In your mind it’s a place to go with complete calm and quiet and tranquility. I can’t ever give you that.
That’s not what depression is about. I think you should know this.
The reason we are far apart is I can’t trust you with my heart. I let you into this process and now you are trying to place blame on me and trying to make me feel guilty. I don’t trust you in an intimate way Marie.
I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I’m asking you to look at the other factors our decisions affect.
I’m not sure you will ever let me in again. Not a matter of trust but rather I don’t think it’s what you want.
She came to the appointment that afternoon, but didn’t go in because she was crying. I understand her emotions, but don’t understand her thoughts.
She has come around. She apologized the next day.
I am realizing she is concerned about Marie. I don’t think she has looked at me ever and said, “Chris, just take care of yourself and get well. We will be here.”
I don’t think I’ve heard this.