I know I am not the only one who struggles with this so here goes. I hope it helps someone, somehow.
This is your warning – this post is probably R Rated (at least PG-13)
This might be weird, but I just wanted to share some more personal stuff that might be helpful to some regarding my decrease in sexual desire over the past few years. I don’t want to be too graphic but want to be honest.
My wife and I probably are having sex about once every 6 weeks on average. The longest we have gone in the last year is 3 months with no sex. This is all on me. My interest in sex in general is very low. My wife is frustrated.
In case you don’t know me, I’m 46 years old, married for 23 years (with a healthy sex life until about 4 years ago), in fairly good health. I’m a bit overweight but run about 10 miles a week and workout regularly. I also have suffered from major depression for a few years.
About 4 or 5 years ago my wife started to notice that I wasn’t as interested in sex – which to then had probably been one of the most healthy aspects of our 23 year marriage.
I talked to doctors and had testosterone levels checked THREE TIMES (I’m on the low side of the normal range). My Testosterone levels that I’ve had checked about annually for the last three years were 370, 420, 370. A “normal” range is something like 270-800 (look it up – that’s off the top of my head and I’m no doctor!!)
Since I’m in the normal range no one will give me a supplement for Testosterone.
I did get a prescription for Viagra. There have been times when I had trouble keeping an erection so Viagra is helpful. But mostly it just gives me a headache. Viagra does NOTHING for sexual desire, it is purely a physical help (like a splint?) when already aroused. My problem likely is less physiological and more psychological.
Just a note on Viagra if you get it or if you are thinking about it. It is expensive. Thankfully my insurance covers a few tablets a month. My insurance will pay for 6 tablets a month regardless of the dosage. So, I get 100 mg and then cut them in half which the doctor said is fine to do. This gives me 12 x 50 mg doses a month.
LOL I know what you are thinking – that is not sexless!! I quit getting the refills long ago and have an ample supply stocked up at home. Trust me, I don’t take them that often at all!!
One if the issues that I have noticed is that I only occasionally have erections in the morning – which since I was about 10 or 12 years old normally had occurred every morning like clockwork. I think most guys will get this. What I understand is that early morning (still sleeping) is when men commonly have a testosterone surge. So that is at least something that is a physiological difference for me. If I take a Viagra the night before, then usually I will wake up in the morning with an erection. This tells me some system is still working, albeit at low capacity. Still – an erection does not translate into the desire for sex. Plus if your wife is like mine, morning sex probably isn’t an options that often.
This is really an emotional issue. It is embarrassing for me. I feel like less of a man because I know my wife still wants to have sex. One problem that has arisen is that she has quit trying. I’m sure she tried everything for a while and I rejected her.
But now she just say, “Are we ever going to have sex again?” or, “Are you ever going to talk to another doctor about your sex drive?” Of course this just makes me cower like a baby.
A couple of other points: I am taking anti-depressants which I know can affect sex drive. But the beginning of this issue predated any anti-depressants by about 2 years. However, it is possible thinking back that the beginnings of depression were coming on even then. Certainly the issues which would lead to the depression were in full swing.
I really think that therapy would help. We have been going to marriage counseling, and the issue has been mentioned as “an issue.” But my wife doesn’t want to talk about it with our counselor and honestly she may or may not ever want to talk about it in that setting. She even has a hard time talking to me about sex specifically.
Anyway – this is just a lot of info that is going on surrounding this issue. I have written a little about it and a few of you have mentioned similar struggles. So there it is. My life – naked and ashamed.
I hope this helps someone – even if for no other reason than to know you are not alone. Ask questions if you want.
If you want a humorous if somewhat cynical approach to viagra for sexual dysfunctions from an actual MD, visit Behind the White Coat and search for Viagra. She has four great articles that will come up. (Plus she just has a great blog in general)