We aren’t made to go through life alone. I think you identified the ones who love you – God and family. Please let them – it will give you all joy and peace and perhaps begin to heal old wounds.
For me, I always know God is the only one who is true. When depression starts to lie to me and tell me there is no hope, no purpose; when I hate everyone who loves me because I’m looking through the shit colored lens of depression, when thoughts that I don’t want to live creep into my consciousness, then I remember that God is true and these are all lies. Depression (like Satan) is a master deceiver. Whatever is good, and lovely, and hopeful, and loving is from God.
He has literally kept me alive and kept me in my marriage when I wanted to leave both.
[I wrote this a couple of days ago in the comments to a fellow blogger – thought I’d share it with you]