My Boss Told Me I’m Fat!!

While it didn’t happen as bluntly as the title suggests, my employer has let me know, lose it or you’re gone! Yep that’s right. You’re too fat to work at this place! 

Now before you go thinking I’m too big to fit through the door, or I keep breaking office chairs, or the sound of my wheezing is distracting the other employees, it’s not like that at all. Checkout my workout log page and you’ll see, for instance, I ran 3 miles yesterday morning and then swam a km at lunch. I’d venture to guess I’m in much better shape than most 46 year olds.

Also, in some ways I purposely allowed myself to get “caught.” I’m not quite sure why because it’s outside of my normal M.O. More on this, but first here is the whole truth. 

I’m in the Army and there are only 3 quantitative factors the Army has in order for someone to keep playing along. 1) qualify on your assigned weapon twice a year (I actually am exempt from this because of my specialized job) 2) pass a physical fitness test twice a year (got that down) 3) maintain a certain height/weight ratio. This last one is my downfall! 

At 5’6″ the Army says I can weigh a maximum of 170#. I weighed in at 209 earlier this week. No I didn’t gain 39# in the last six months. In fact I have never met the height/weight ratio. So they Army also has a measurement to calculate body fat %. It’s not very complicated. It’s a simple waist and neck measurement applied to an algorithm to get a body fat percentage. I think the reason they use this instead of a more sophisticated measurent tool is that APPEARANCE is important. A Soldier should LOOK like a fit Soldier. 

  

For my age I can be up to 26% body fat and came in at 30%. The Army prefers about 18% for men. 

All this is NOT a surprise for me. The rules are layed out pretty clearly. Soldiers all know the rules and that this is a big deal, especially with a large force reduction taking place. But I allowed this.

Normally before our bi-annual weigh-in, I will starve myself for about 2 weeks, then dehydrate for a couple of days and wrap my waist with all kinds of concoctions the day before (believe it or not, preparation H slathered generously on the waist area will offer temporary cell reduction). Then I’ll do neck exercises as I’m standing in line to get a nice muscle swell on my neck. (Goal: small waist + large neck = lower body fat % calculation). I just didn’t do any of this leading up to our recent weigh in. WHY? 

Here are possibilities: 

1) I just don’t give a $H!T (this is already a documented fact) 

2) I’m tired of the game and want to be forced to just actually lose some real weight? 

3) Maybe I’m ready to get out of the Army? 

It’s probably all of the above. This is depression at its finest. Undermining my very profession, living and method of my family’s support. DAMN YOU!!! 

So now I hive a choice, and I work well under pressure, lose it or get kicked out. 

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8 comments

  1. I am sorry you are having to go through this. Instead if having standard criteria for what is considered “in shape” that should look at the capabilities. I had one friend in the Navy that always did a dunk test to prove his BMI was in spec for similar reasons.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. pressure, deadlines…they’re the best push for me. can’t wait to find out if you made the cut! reading your blog from start to finish like this is like binge watching a good show on netflix!! šŸ˜œ

    Liked by 1 person

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