Who Knows About Your Blog – Am I Cheating on My Wife??

I need your help fellow bloggers and marriage enthusiasts. 

Am I cheating on my wife? 

I’ve been spending so much time the last two months sharing my heart with you. You’ve shared meals with me that make my mouth water, we’ve taken vacations together to places I never thought I’d go, you listened to me whine, and I’ve really listened to you through your own struggles and successes . I’ve done my best to comfort you, to encourage you, to make you laugh, and to spend as much time with you as I can. 

It’s not about the sex (been none of that!) it’s our relationship. I look forward to hearing from you, I check my phone constantly to see if you have noticed me. I like your likes, I love your words. 

I am talking of course about YOU fellow bloggers. Am I cheating on my wife with my WordPress community! 

Am I??

It’s been over two months, about thirty blog posts, and tons and tons of reading and commenting on your posts. I have told NO ONE that I have a blog. Not a friend, not a family member, and certainly not my wife.

Things have improved between Marie and me, and now I feel like I should tell her about my blog. But . . . Then life as WE know it will be gone 😦 

No more late night rendezvous, no time stolen at work checking in with you. Sure you can still cook your delicious new recipe and share it with me or invite me to Seattle with you for the weekend, but we won’t be alone. SHE will be with us. That changes everything!!

This has been a great outlet for me. But I’m feeling dishonest. 

Your thoughts on my course ahead? Can this go on for the summer? How about to 2016? What if I blog for the next 10 years and she finds it then? 

My dilemma . . . Your thoughts??

62 comments

  1. Can you not have both? Will Marie not support you in your outlet? The only wrong is that it is a secret. Why would she take it from you? I’m excited for your growth in your marriage and if given a “Me or the Blog” you had better chose your Mrs. every time. Disable this account. Open a joint Blog and alternate days. Allow her an outlet to share. Leave each other love notes to find the next day. I’m sure a romance like that would get more readers!!! lol Just a thought.
    You’re on the right track.

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    1. You are right the secret is NOT good. I think the frankness I have to share my opinion will not be the same if I know or even think she is reading. I can think of some posts if edit before sharing with her.

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      1. Well in that case, it can go either way then. Sorry, I had no idea. She probably wouldn’t want other people knowing her business especially not of that nature.

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  3. l think i can speak for so many bloggers out there who have done the same thing keeping their blog a secret from family and friends .because sometimes it limits you on what you can share about.But please by all means share your blog with your wife.This could be something that you can do together. i personally think you have an interesting marriage This could help bring you guys closer together.Look at it this way IT could be like introducing her to your family all over again.cause we bloggers are family.good luck kkkkkkkkkkk

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  4. Everyone needs an outlet for their fears and emotions that is theirs alone. Would you be able to write as honestly and openly knowing your wife could read every word? If the answer is ‘No’ then there’s no harm in keeping our affair secret for a little longer… 😊

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    1. This is my exact fear. I am
      certain that the added filter if knowing she might read will change he my content and approach. As it is right now I have no filter I just BLOG into the keyboard.

      I appreciate you appreciating our time together 😉

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  5. I’m for total honesty, my guy knows I have a blog and reads it most of the time. For me it helps to keep me accountable to honoring our marriage, not over-sharing or saying hurtful things. I don’t understand the ‘me or the blog’ mentality, but if it comes to that, please choose your wife!

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    1. I think you’d have to read through several posts to understand why my wife wouldn’t appreciate some of my content. I agree the secret is not good. However my purpose in the entire blog is trying to gain some insight, clarity, direction for myself

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      2. I fully understand and appreciate YOUR honesty with me. I’m sorry, I do know you’ve been following for a while. What I meant is I can’t help but feel Marie would be hurt by some of my posts – as a wife you must agree?

        So why do I write these things? I’m sorting a lot out. And trying FIRST to be honest with myself. This is why I have a dilemma. I do not do the thing I want to do -Paul

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  6. Could you be comfortable telling her you have been blogging and it has been very helpful to you? What helps you helps her, too. Perhaps she will give you the space to continue or tell you she has been blogging also. And let’s not call it an affair, let’s call it group therapy. You benefit from it like you benefit from couples therapy, but they are not the same. Caveat: Being separated, I may not have my pulse on the marriage vibe as much as your married fans do. Good luck with your decision, Chris!

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    1. “Group Therapy” I like it!! Seriously, blogging has been very helpful for me and I would hope she’d appreciate that. I’m trying to gain control of and discover Chris again, and this is part of it – expressing myself somewhere, honestly, openly. So this is a big part of the conversation

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  7. Wow that’s a tough one. It sounds like it’s a type of therapy for you and maybe you’re not ready to share these thoughts and posts with her.have you ever considered that this may bring you even closer sharing an intimate part of yourself with her that you haven’t shared before? Good luck my friend.

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    1. You are exactly right. It is a form of therapy (one my therapist approves of officially – lol) and there ARE some things here I’m not ready to share. Or at least I thought I wasn’t, but part of my issue is not expressing my feelings very well to her. So I think it’s time to share more, whether it’s here or somewhere else. Thank you for the kind words.

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  8. I have another space I write in, once people started to find out about it I moved here. Once people who know you personally, know you write, then things change. I felt more restricted and it increased my anxiety as I worried if perhaps I would offend someone.
    The other side of the coin is, how would you feel if she read it? and just because she finds out, why would you have to stop?

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      1. You know the way I look on it is this, I have this blog, which is a secret so my family cannot read it. I feel guilty, but that said, I need it sometimes to restore my sanity and that’s more important I think at the end of the day.

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  9. My H knows I have a blog but I don’t think he has ever read it. It helps me but yes I do have to sometimes cut myself off to have quality time together lol. I don’t know the answer but u know her best. What will she say?

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      1. I gotta be honest. That’s totally true lol. I don’t know if it’s curiosity or what but I would totally read it. It is a conundrum with no easy answer. Hugs

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  10. In my opinion it’s like a journal. In that respect it’s yours. It’s fully your choice to share or not. Whatever you would have hand written on paper is just as private as whatever you choose to type.

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    1. In a lot of ways I agree with you. But I’m not sure she would and that, I think, makes a difference. I think the interaction with others changes things – at least it would in her mind. So that’s my struggle, me vs us. I guess that’s the whole struggle of every marriage. Lol

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  11. My ex husband found my first blog and threatened to sue me for slander. Although nothing I said in there wasn’t true. So I copy pasted everything before I deleted it, because it will serve as “evidence” when I take him back for custody of our child.

    I gave the link to my original blog to my sister and where she didn’t agree with some of the things I posted she realized my need for an outlet.

    This one I am more mindful of keeping it Anonymous so that no one can find me.

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  12. but but… you are an important part of a community – I’m pretty sure you’ve both given and received support and encouragement. That’s a beautiful thing!

    If your wife had a blog that helped her – would you fault her for it? I think not. You’d probably support her in her efforts to being a better person and partner. What we’re all blogging our way towards! It helps much more than it harms, no?

    (Go back and un-publish overly personal posts if you want to, I’ve done it many times! The benefits you found in the weeks and months of blogging, that’s yours to keep no matter what! ) Good luck!

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    1. Georgey thank you so much. I didn’t intend to help anyone but myself but clearly there have been many benefits here. You are also write I would NOT object to my wife if it was something helpful to her.
      I have thought that I’d have to go back and edit some posts . . .

      Thanks for the thoughtful advice.

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  13. If I found out that my boyfriend /husband had a blog, I’d definitely want to read it. After all, it’s public, so it’s not quite a journal. Conversely, I don’t tell guys I’m dating about my blog, bc I do talk about them.

    My advice to you: go back and delete any that might upset her. I repeat, delete any and all blogs that disparage her. It’s your blog, your “virtual journal,” and you have a right to edit the contents.

    Then tell her about the blog, starting with, “this has helped me…my readers (esp Jules Strawberry ) encourage me to work things out with you. They’re routing for our marriage to work. I love you and I’m doing this for US.” Framing can mean all the dfference in the world.

    Then you give her the option to read it or not. (Most likely, she will.)

    Good luck. Hugs. Cheers!

    Jules

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  15. Coming clean and telling her is the best thing to do, you wouldn’t want her finding out on “accident” and that would bring up another set of problems.

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  16. My husband knows about my blog, but doesn’t read it. Although he has read a few important posts that I asked him to read. He understands that this is my outlet and that I need it to survive. Of course, in my situation my blog led to he and I discovering that she wasn’t just sleeping with him. My blog literally saved us.

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  17. That is a tough one. I sometimes wish my blog was a secret so I could spill my guts out all over it. I can not do that with everyone knowing about it. Maybe keep it a secret until you have gone farther down the road on your journey to heal?

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  18. This is such a heart felt post.. I really loved your way of presentation.. and nooooooo. . You aren’t cheating your wife.. you’re making new pals. . With whom you share a part of your life. I’m so glad to have found you and being connected with you. Wish all the peace and love to you and your lovely wife.

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  19. You certainly raise a good question–one that I hadn’t considered. My blog is also secret, in that NO ONE knows who the person is behind it and NO ONE in my family or friends circle has a clue that I created Middle-Aged Muffin Top. I guess until I read this post, I hadn’t considered the dishonesty part of it. In other words, I don’t have an answer, whether you should move forward with it or not. All I can say is I enjoy it.

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    1. Thanks for your honesty – one thing I have done is taken my pictures off to ensure anonymity. That would be a breach of my family’s privacy to have someone recognize them without them knowing. It’s a start in the right direction. Like you, then, right now NO ONE knows about this blog.

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  21. Pingback: UPDATE: Who Knows About Your Blog – Am I Cheating on My Wife?? | Looking for Chris

  22. I think that it is perfectly okay to do something for ourselves and if blogging makes you feel better and you enjoy it, then by all means do it. That said, you probably are cheating on your wife IF you are investing more energy on your blog then in fixing your relationship. Or IF you are developing secret “relationships” that might interfere with getting closer to your wife because you are expending a sort of intimate energy on an “on-lline” person. If however, you feel you are learning better ways of relating to your wife and family by the comments you are receiving then more power to you. We all have ways of gaining knowledge and if this improves your outlook, happiness, etc. then you are only improving what you will take home to your honey.

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    1. Thank you for this perspective. I keep thinking I would tell her, but at the same time I really REALLY have benefitted from blogging. I absolutely agree with your comments on online relationships, etc. and the possibility to have an “affair” with anything/one gaining priority over her. Again thank you.

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I'm an open book - would love to hear your thoughts!