Marriage counseling #2 … continued … (my feelings) 

I guess my last post was fact filled, but sterile. Here’s how I feel about it:

I left our 2nd marriage counseling appointment feeling hurt. I was quite frankly surprised that Marie was surprised at my list from our homework. How could we be married 23 years and she not have an idea why I am not happy!?!?

How can you sit there and defend yourself instead of just try to listen to my heart? You say I don’t share my feelings with you, but when I try you stomp on me am tell me I  wrong! Do you see the futility in this? 

You say my good qualities are my gentleness and kindness as a father and husband. So why do you think I would purposely try to say something to make you look bad? Do you think I would intend to hurt you or say something that might be hurtful without careful consideration?  I am such a sincere and honest person. I absolutely know how to express myself in honest ways. I easily share my heart with people. 

I can’t share my heart with you… 

I am telling myself, and I HOPE it is true, that though she was defensive, she heard me. I hope she heard me. Please, God, let her hear me!  I don’t want to spend another 23 years with a glass half empty wife. 

I am sad, and lonely.

  

11 comments

  1. As a combat veteran of a very long, sad and lonely marriage, I’m deeply empathetic to your pain. So much so that I’d like to try and do another one of my Free Advice columns based on your very honest, sincere last few blog entries. Let me know how you feel about that. “Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore.”
    Your friend Margaux

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    1. As I said, I am an open book! Please, I seek perspective because I’m having a hard time seeing my own reality objectively. It’s hard to know what part of the issues is on me and what part is inflicted on me.

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  2. im so sorry she did that….from a half empty wife, myself. however, thanks to your posts, i really to listen to what he is telling me and i think before i react. at least i try. but this is just your second session. sometimes, with therapy, it gets worse and then the realization hits, than it gets better. usually therapy opens your eyes to yourself and people like your wife and i can get withdrawn, more assertive, more hateful, until they hit rock bottom and realize that this type-A personality is exhausting. i used it my whole life for surviving in a big city with big bad wolves, so when i moved to a small town and met someone just like you Chris, i was still in survival mode, until recently. i learned to relax and not be so angry at things. i will say, it is actually very relieving. but it took sometime to get there and in the beginning my husband thought i was worse than before, but sooner or later saw me just more caring. the kind me came out. make sense?

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    1. sorry for the delay – and thanks so much for your reply. I hear you, i am in the conseling thing for the long haul – i hope she is too! I gald my posts have made a difference for you as well. My intention was to just write for my own sake, but i too have gotten so much benefit from the communtity here. i look forward to seeing your “?” – lol

      I just really am tired. it seems like we have been talking about the same issues for most of our marriage. i know – “boo hoo” me.

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      1. all this takes time and i know you are in counseling fornthe long haul. i can tell you love her and want to make it work. its good to see two people trying to work it out. this blog ordeal is no joke. i honestly thought it was an outlet, but im learning so much from everyone here and appreciate the comments and advice i get. issues are usually the same in relationships, until someone changes or it all blows up in your face….then its time to act.

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    1. Thank you so much. I’m glad it’s helpful. Maybe I could get my wife to read the blog of some other babbling fool and consider my feelings. Lol

      Seriously, this has been a great experience for me writing some of this stuff down and also reading so many heartfelt stories of others.

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  4. I am so sorry you felt that way. I think maybe she wasn’t thinking when she got defensive. I know I do that myself. NO ONE wants to feel like they are being attacked, even thought that was NOT your intention, she may have taken it that way! I am so in your shoes (as you know) thinking, HOW CAN HE NOT KNOW THESE THINGS…. you feel like they should really know your feelings after all the years together…

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    1. She says i get very defensive too, and that i don’t like to be wrong (have i ever been wrong??). It’s so hard to be objective and see ourselves. I think maybe i’ll try and talk to her tonight about what happened at counseling. . . wish me luck ( and courage!)

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I'm an open book - would love to hear your thoughts!