Two days ago we had our second marriage counseling session. (Link to first session)
I suggested to Marie before our appointment that we share our homework with each other so we each could have some time to process. She agreed it was a good idea, so I sent mine to her, but then I didn’t get hers.
When we met at the counselor’s office a few hours later I could tell she was mad and didn’t say much. After we checked in she handed me her notebook which had her homework response. Recall there were 3 items to cover for our homework, 1) issues/problems 2) strengths 3) ideal day/situation.
We focused in counseling on my list this week (her choice, and maybe this was a mistake) and Marie was pretty defensive. But we got lot out on the table. She said she thought my homework basically was all about her and that I made everything to be her fault. She thought hers was more objective. I’m REALLY INTERESTED in what you think about this??? (Link to mine is above if you missed it)
I wasn’t really surprised by her homework list, but she was surprised at mine. This is of course because I under communicate and she over communicates. But nothing on my homework list should have been a surprise to her.
It’s a long process and I hope she’ll be willing to stick with it. She hasn’t wanted to continue in the past when we tried counseling because it’s very difficult for her.
Our homework for this week is:
1) Something that the other person will do everyday for the relationship. We each came up with one item:
Chris call Marie during the day to let her know I’m thinking of her. I did it yesterday but forgot today (I just realized).
Marie spend a few minutes in the morning with Chris – without doing anything else – to talk about the day and what we both are doing.
2) Tell each other 2 things we appreciate or are thankful for or we noticed that was nice about the other person that day. This is supposed to be sort of spontaneous in the moment. I don’t think either of us have done this yet.
We had a long break between our first appointment and this one yesterday. We had a hard time getting into the therapist’s calendar and then we had to cancel when I went to Indiana to get Jamie. Hopefully going forward we’ll have more regular weekly appointments.